I guess the point of this post is simply to make it “blog official”. I know I don’t have many readers
here anymore… That’s what happens when you only post 4 times per year.

We are extremely excited about this calling and are looking forward to how God will show his glory as we’re faithful to it. While we are not immune to fears of the unknown (Are we strong enough for this? Will our vision even work? Did God screw up when He convicted us of this? Is our family ready for such radical change? Are we prepared for the inevitable hurt that will come our way? How will we pay our basic bills?), we are confident that God has surrounded us with an incredible community to serve with and will provide for us as He always has.

Most of my blogging will be taking place over here, but I plan to use this as a place to share insights into our lives as we learn and grow as a family through this process.

I am extremely thankful for the leadership of New Harvest Church, specifically Barry Braun. Barry and the elders have been beyond generous and supportive and there is no way we would be ready for January if it wasn’t for them.

So, like I said, if you want more details check out my wife’s blog or head on over to the PAX website.

I remember when I first realized the Holy Spirit was leading me into youth ministry. Jess and I would discuss what it would be like for me to be in full-time ministry (occupational). We’d talk about the time commitment and the financial sacrifice. We’d discuss the importance of keeping our family ahead of the ministry. We even talked about Jess’ role within the ministry. We felt we were prepared for whatever could come our way.

However, we never discussed what it would be like to get a phone call at one o’clock in the morning because a student had been kicked out of their house and had nowhere to go. We never prepared ourselves for the stories of abuse we would hear, regularly. I never considered the first time I’d have to tell a student that her dad had passed away (and follow that up with three more similar conversations over the next six months). It never occurred to me that parents would look to me for guidance as their kids spiraled into dangerous rebellion. I never thought that I’d be the one providing comfort as a mother sat next to her son’s hospital bed. It never crossed my mind that even though I would pour my life into these students in an effort to help them see God’s incredible love for them, many would choose to walk away and reject the Gospel. The idea that a student would steadily grow in their faith throughout their years in high school only to compromise everything they believe after graduating, was foreign to me. And the reality that many parents in the church are actually poor examples to their children and fail to raise them in light of the Gospel, seemed crazy.

I guess, when I’m really honest, I wasn’t prepared for the pain. I wasn’t prepared to struggle with sleep for days and weeks, because of what was happening in student’s lives. I didn’t think about how hard it would be to come home to my daughter and play with her as if everything was okay, while families were being destroyed and kids were hurting. I underestimated the effect this calling would have on my marriage.

I know that I am not the only youth pastor that has been forced to confront these realities. I also know that many have dealt with them to a much a greater degree than myself.

So, is it worth it?

As I reflect on this question, I wonder if I had known everything I know now, would I have chose this? If I knew it would be hard and painful and not all about games and baptisms… would I have still said yes to God’s call? Honestly, I don’t know.

In Matthew 9 we see Jesus traveling throughout cities and villages, teaching and healing people. As He was walking with His disciples, His eyes became fixed on the crowds of people and verse 36 offers this insight:

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”

This is a very familiar verse. We love it because it speaks of Jesus’ compassion towards people. However, we often overlook the irony in this passage. Jesus saw a crowd and felt compassion, later a crowd would see Jesus and shout, “crucify him!” (Matthew 27:22, 23). Jesus knew what His future held. He knew that these people, and all people, would cause Him great pain. Yet He had compassion on them, He would go to the cross for them, He loved them… because to Jesus, it was worth it.

This passage has always been both a great challenge and encouragement to me. It is a challenge to follow in the footsteps of my Savior as someone who has compassion on a broken and hurting crowd regardless of its effect on me. It is also encouraging to know that I don’t have to follow Him up the cross. He went there for me, because I too am a member of that crowd. No matter how heavy or painful things can get, He can handle it and has told me to put it on Him. My job is simply to follow Him to the foot of the cross… and then to the empty grave.

Ultimately, yeah, it is worth it. If you are a youth pastor (and you are doing your job) it will be difficult. You can choose to be like the majority and walk away. You can choose to try to carry it all yourself and end up bitter and tired. Or, you can recognize the honor it is to have this call on your life, rest in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, embrace the power and strength found in His resurrection, and preach the Gospel boldly.

You see, before I said yes to God I didn’t necessarily count the cost. However, every time I consider walking away I am not accurately viewing the reward. I have had the privilege of watching families reconciled, people healed, students’ saved, and much more – I’ve had a front row seat to God’s miracles.

If you are a youth pastor, know this: it is absolutely worth it.

Family and Friends -

I hope that things are going well for you these days. I know that we aren’t able to stay connected with most of you as much we wish we could. I guess that is part of the busy culture we live in.

For the past four years Jess and I have been very blessed. God has protected and grown our marriage, given us a beautiful baby girl, and provided an abundance of opportunities to serve our Savior. We have had the privilege of ministering to teens in the Salem/Keizer area and seen God do some amazing things. We have been firsthand recipients of God’s faithfulness.

It is this faithfulness that has lead us to write this letter. For the past three years God has been calling us to reciprocate some of that faithfulness. Daily we talk to each other about something we both believe God is asking us to do. So, we have decided to trust God and step out in obedience. Over the next 4 months we will be paying off/selling what we need to in order to answer His call. We are looking forward to serving in…

For the past few years I think about writing a letter that begins in that way at least once a week. Seeing the devastation in Haiti has caused me to assess why I only think about that letter and never actually send it. I know that there are a lot of people who have been inspired by this tragedy (I know, that phrase sounds terrible). Suddenly everyone wants to go to Haiti and make a difference. I think that is great, and I hope many people act on that inspiration. But for me, the call seems bigger than providing aid after such a terrible event. I want to be on the ground impacting people’s lives before, during, and after the tragedy strikes.

Jess and I honestly talk about making this a reality ALL THE TIME. Don’t get me wrong. We know that God is using us here and we love where He has us. In fact, that may be one of the problems. We see overwhelming evidence of His hand in what we’re doing now and enjoy some remarkable relationships with friends and co-workers. We just wonder if there is something ‘more’.

A friend of mine recently had this as his facebook status:

“Ever think that truly living like Jesus is MUCH bigger than the flannel-graph pictures in our minds?”

I know its sort of a strange idea, but its what I think constantly. My idea of living for the Kingdom of Christ is based on my upbringing in the US. I love my country and am incredibly thankful to have been born and raised here, but for some reason I don’t believe my ‘luck’ was for my benefit. Maybe (w/ sarcasm) it was for someone else.

I want to be a man who truly turns my blessings back to God in praise. I want to be a man who worships God in the way He deserves. I want to be a man who understands what it means to live with a Kingdom mindset. And when I’m not sure what that all means I read passages like these:

Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?  – Isaiah 58:6-7

Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” – Matthew 19:21

Jess and I have many reasons for not tossing everything and boarding a plane. Many of them are good reasons. We have a toddler. Our parents want to be close to their grandchild. We want our daughter to be close to her grandparents. We have family and friends that we love. We have jobs that we love. We own a house. We have college loans. We have a car loan. God is using us here… And the list goes on and on.

The problem with that list is that it has yet to be enough to shake this reoccurring conviction that something else awaits my family.

For now, I just sit here wondering if I’m doing what God has called me to do or am I doing what feels comfortable? Am I stepping into the plan He has written for my life or have I stopped on the first page and refused to look at whats ahead? Are the reasons we come up with revealed by God or enhanced by my fear?

I don’t know.

I haven’t blogged in seven months, so I am not sure what the proper way to end a blog is these days. I guess this will have to be a good ending. I am not sure what I wanted to accomplish with this blog… but I am sure that I want to be the man, husband, father, and servant God has designed me to be.