What It Would Be Like

Family and Friends -

I hope that things are going well for you these days. I know that we aren’t able to stay connected with most of you as much we wish we could. I guess that is part of the busy culture we live in.

For the past four years Jess and I have been very blessed. God has protected and grown our marriage, given us a beautiful baby girl, and provided an abundance of opportunities to serve our Savior. We have had the privilege of ministering to teens in the Salem/Keizer area and seen God do some amazing things. We have been firsthand recipients of God’s faithfulness.

It is this faithfulness that has lead us to write this letter. For the past three years God has been calling us to reciprocate some of that faithfulness. Daily we talk to each other about something we both believe God is asking us to do. So, we have decided to trust God and step out in obedience. Over the next 4 months we will be paying off/selling what we need to in order to answer His call. We are looking forward to serving in…

For the past few years I think about writing a letter that begins in that way at least once a week. Seeing the devastation in Haiti has caused me to assess why I only think about that letter and never actually send it. I know that there are a lot of people who have been inspired by this tragedy (I know, that phrase sounds terrible). Suddenly everyone wants to go to Haiti and make a difference. I think that is great, and I hope many people act on that inspiration. But for me, the call seems bigger than providing aid after such a terrible event. I want to be on the ground impacting people’s lives before, during, and after the tragedy strikes.

Jess and I honestly talk about making this a reality ALL THE TIME. Don’t get me wrong. We know that God is using us here and we love where He has us. In fact, that may be one of the problems. We see overwhelming evidence of His hand in what we’re doing now and enjoy some remarkable relationships with friends and co-workers. We just wonder if there is something ‘more’.

A friend of mine recently had this as his facebook status:

“Ever think that truly living like Jesus is MUCH bigger than the flannel-graph pictures in our minds?”

I know its sort of a strange idea, but its what I think constantly. My idea of living for the Kingdom of Christ is based on my upbringing in the US. I love my country and am incredibly thankful to have been born and raised here, but for some reason I don’t believe my ‘luck’ was for my benefit. Maybe (w/ sarcasm) it was for someone else.

I want to be a man who truly turns my blessings back to God in praise. I want to be a man who worships God in the way He deserves. I want to be a man who understands what it means to live with a Kingdom mindset. And when I’m not sure what that all means I read passages like these:

Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?  – Isaiah 58:6-7

Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” – Matthew 19:21

Jess and I have many reasons for not tossing everything and boarding a plane. Many of them are good reasons. We have a toddler. Our parents want to be close to their grandchild. We want our daughter to be close to her grandparents. We have family and friends that we love. We have jobs that we love. We own a house. We have college loans. We have a car loan. God is using us here… And the list goes on and on.

The problem with that list is that it has yet to be enough to shake this reoccurring conviction that something else awaits my family.

For now, I just sit here wondering if I’m doing what God has called me to do or am I doing what feels comfortable? Am I stepping into the plan He has written for my life or have I stopped on the first page and refused to look at whats ahead? Are the reasons we come up with revealed by God or enhanced by my fear?

I don’t know.

I haven’t blogged in seven months, so I am not sure what the proper way to end a blog is these days. I guess this will have to be a good ending. I am not sure what I wanted to accomplish with this blog… but I am sure that I want to be the man, husband, father, and servant God has designed me to be.